Never look back, darling. It distracts from the now.

          So very recently, I have begun to think back on the 12-ish years that the senior class has been together. Even though we went to different elementary schools, once we hit middle school we found the ones that clicked. It's hard to believe that in less than 7 months, we won't be able to walk through the doors to our high school, every single day. I know that might sound like an accomplishment and it should be, we deserve to leave, but I am pretty certain that a few months after graduation we will be wishing we were the ones getting ready for the homecoming dance. I don't know who all reads this blog, and that's the beauty of it, but I hope that if you're reading this and your are in my graduating class, I just want you to know that whether or not I have ever talked to you, I will miss you.

         That may seem like a stretch to say that I will miss everyone in my class, and maybe it is, but the seniors of 2014 have been together since 6th grade and we're a family; when your family goes away, you miss them. I don't want to sound like a bitch by saying something about not talking to everyone, because if you know me personally, you are quite aware that I try to be kind to everyone I come in contact with. Believe me when I say that it hasn't always been easy, but I think I've been pretty successful.

          The main point I would like to get across this evening is a pretty big weight on my heart and it has been since that day in February when we lost one of our own. It's crazy to think that this coming February marks the sixth year that the senior class has been without Cassidy Rae. I can still remember the entire day and every time I think about it, all I do is cry and think about how you should still be here. Graduating without you is not going to be the same mainly because you and I have been together from Kiddie Kapers until that one day.
 
          No matter who reads this, I want you to take a moment, just stop reading, close your eyes and think about being in 6th grade again. What did your life look like? Were you always smiling and happy. Never a moment without your best friends and never a dull moment between you. Now, take another moment and think about what it would be like to lose someone in that group of best friends and think about not graduating with them. Think about how much you would have to hurt every single day for the rest of your life for not doing more to help them. It sucks. Believe me, I've been there.

          To the class of 2014 at Milton Area High School, I hope that we remember a few things after we graduate. When you're at college thinking you can't do it anymore, try harder; when you go out, be careful you have a family to come back to; no matter where you go in life, home will always be here right where we left it. Where we left Friday night football games, stupid sayings that become part of our vocabulary (hello, SWAG?), long small town roads that got us exactly where we wanted to go at the moment we had nowhere else to go, to the friends that we turn to after years of being gone, the smell of Milton(enough said), the sight of our familiar streets, and most importantly the open doors(or gates) of our High School that will welcome us to games, events, or just because. Don't think that just because we are leaving we'll be forgotten. The kids after us will remember us just like we remember the ones that came before us.

          Home is where our story begins. It may also be where our story ends, but at least let yourself get out for a little bit. All that I know is that I love home but not home is pretty cool too. Home is where our story begins.

Inhale the good shit. Exhale the bull shit.

I would like every single one of you to take a good long look at the girl right above this blog entry. Yes, that is me, four years ago when nothing was going right for me in my life. I was a girl that went to school with long sleeves covering scars, and then I would come home and not say anything just to start the cycle over again. Now, I know you might be thinking that I blog a lot about self harm, but that is because it is becoming too popular and it is something that needs to end simply because it isn't worth it. It has taken me six years to figure that out but because of some people in my life, I understand that life is worth living and that it's okay to be sad, but you don't automatically have to go towards the death card. 

In my life, I have been fortunate to be blessed with a multitude of friendships. They come in different sizes, shapes, and genders but that isn't what matters. What matters, is the fact that no matter what I have going on in my life, some of them would be willing to drop what they're doing to help me. I don't know what I would do without them and the fact that I am graduating in less than 7 months is making me glad that I have them. 

I have done shout out blogs before, but now they just seem childish. I do, however, want to name the people that have helped me out in the past year or so. Even if they don't read this, I hope they know how much I appreciate them. Mom without you, I wouldn't be here and I mean that in more than one sense. My aunt and cousin, you two are like sisters to me and without you, I wouldn't know how to laugh the bad moments off. My baby brother, even though I wasn't around a lot, I hope you realize what you mean to me. My non-blood family, Mark, Hayleigh, Devon, Brad 1, Brad 2,  Krysta, and Aubyn. Some of you are still in my life, others not so much, but no matter what, you have gotten me out of some tough crap and for that I am forever thankful.   

Throughout my life, I have lost family members and that has made me stronger as well. I know it might sound weird, but some people grow from tragedy. I am one of those people. Maybe it's because of how I grew up but I have been able to deal with loss quite well, even though when I am alone, I break down. It's okay though, because sometimes we need that. 

My one hope is that if you read this blog, even though it isn't consistent, you're inspired to do something. Maybe you want to start blogging yourself, or maybe because of me, you have a higher want to help people with depression or signs of it. No matter what it is, if I have inspired you, then you have inspired me. I want to know what you want to do, if you have found inspiration in one of my blogs, don't hesitate to tell me. I appreciate your honesty and your kind words. Thanks for the support. 

After a While

After a while you learn

The subtle difference between

Holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning

And company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn

That kisses aren't contracts

And presents aren't promises

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes ahead

With the grace of a woman 

Not the grief of a child.

And you learn 

To build all your roads on today

Because tomorrow's ground is

Too uncertain for plans

And futures have a way

Of falling down in mid flight

After a while you learn

That even sunshine burns if you get too much

So you plant your own garden

And decorate your own soul

Instead of waiting

For someone to bring you flowers

And you learn 

That you really can endure

That you are really strong

And you really do have worth

And you learn and you learn 

With every good bye you learn

Veronica A. Shoffstall

Xoxo loves, until tomorrow(maybe)