I would like every single one of you to take a good long look at the girl right above this blog entry. Yes, that is me, four years ago when nothing was going right for me in my life. I was a girl that went to school with long sleeves covering scars, and then I would come home and not say anything just to start the cycle over again. Now, I know you might be thinking that I blog a lot about self harm, but that is because it is becoming too popular and it is something that needs to end simply because it isn't worth it. It has taken me six years to figure that out but because of some people in my life, I understand that life is worth living and that it's okay to be sad, but you don't automatically have to go towards the death card.
In my life, I have been fortunate to be blessed with a multitude of friendships. They come in different sizes, shapes, and genders but that isn't what matters. What matters, is the fact that no matter what I have going on in my life, some of them would be willing to drop what they're doing to help me. I don't know what I would do without them and the fact that I am graduating in less than 7 months is making me glad that I have them.
I have done shout out blogs before, but now they just seem childish. I do, however, want to name the people that have helped me out in the past year or so. Even if they don't read this, I hope they know how much I appreciate them. Mom without you, I wouldn't be here and I mean that in more than one sense. My aunt and cousin, you two are like sisters to me and without you, I wouldn't know how to laugh the bad moments off. My baby brother, even though I wasn't around a lot, I hope you realize what you mean to me. My non-blood family, Mark, Hayleigh, Devon, Brad 1, Brad 2, Krysta, and Aubyn. Some of you are still in my life, others not so much, but no matter what, you have gotten me out of some tough crap and for that I am forever thankful.
Throughout my life, I have lost family members and that has made me stronger as well. I know it might sound weird, but some people grow from tragedy. I am one of those people. Maybe it's because of how I grew up but I have been able to deal with loss quite well, even though when I am alone, I break down. It's okay though, because sometimes we need that.
My one hope is that if you read this blog, even though it isn't consistent, you're inspired to do something. Maybe you want to start blogging yourself, or maybe because of me, you have a higher want to help people with depression or signs of it. No matter what it is, if I have inspired you, then you have inspired me. I want to know what you want to do, if you have found inspiration in one of my blogs, don't hesitate to tell me. I appreciate your honesty and your kind words. Thanks for the support.
After a While
After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child.
And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers
And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn
Veronica A. Shoffstall
Xoxo loves, until tomorrow(maybe)
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