My night of truth.

I am not depressed.

I can still smile a pretty things. 

And laugh when jokes are funny. 

I can still talk to people.

And enjoy nice days.

But when I go inside,

When I am alone,

There is something broken.

And I fall into a sadness so sweet

That it engulfs me.

I look into the mirror,

And I don't like what I see.

And the tears always fall 

When I'm falling asleep.

And I miss something, 

That doesn't exist.

I am not depressed.

I've just been sad for a while.

But I can still find the light.

I can still smile.

For anyone who knows me really well, I have always struggled with getting to that point of extreme happiness. You know, the kind you achieve when you get a really good grade or you score a winning touchdown? Well in my life, it's always seemed like that wasn't allowed. I don't want to sound like an ungrateful little brat though, because there have been many phenomenal things that I have been able to be a part of and a whole lot of incredible people I've been able to meet as well. So I'm not saying that my life has been terrible and that everyone should pity me, I'm just trying to be truthful because there isn't a lot of truth in today's world anymore. I will be honest and say that I didn't write that little thing above, I found it on Pintrest, but that's okay because it speaks to my life. People may say that I am depressed and at one point in my life I totally was and maybe I haven't let go of it all together, but it isn't something that holds me back from being a normal teenager. 

On another truthful note, I want to speak directly to those of you who have/want to/do self harm. I was once in your position. Self harm controlled my life for 5 years and it has tried to creep back in and it isn't something to joke about, not something to take lightly and it isn't something that you try for the fun of it. I have scars and I am ashamed of them, but they aren't something to be ashamed of. I know that people may say they are a sign of weakness and that you should've gone further. Get it through your mind that people are rude and nasty. I don't care what is going on in your life if you think that cutting, burning, snapping or any other self harm is okay, STOP IT! Put down the razor, the safety pin, whatever gives you that rush, it isn't worth it.

I also want to talk about suicide. I know, tough stuff tonight, but I have had a lot on my mind and when I do this is what helps me. Killing yourself or thinking about it is not an option. Okay, it is an option but don't let it be your only option. You only have this one life, why would you want to waste it because your life isn't good right now? Did you read that? Read it again. "We are not given a good life or a bad life. We are given a life. It's up to us to make it good or bad." Am I being too harsh? I'm sorry, let me rub your back while you choke down those pain pills. I am not going to sugar coat this subject anymore. I have gone through depression, self harm, suicide attempts too many times to allow the rest of my generation to go through the same thing. I hope you realize that your life is precious and that you can't get it back. Don't give up your life.