Recently, I have had two songs on repeat. They are by one Demi Lovato, and they just speak to my life and what I've gone through. The first one is called Warrior, in which she talks about having a person in her life take everything from her. I've never been one to open up about my situation with my dad, but with this song, I feel like I can.
In my life, up until now, I think I have seen my dad a total of maybe 3 years combined. More recently it's been limited to Christmas, mainly because things haven't worked out with us. My parents were never married, and maybe that had an effect on me, but I think it's more because of how stubborn I am. I am a lot like my dad, in many ways. There are a lot of people in my life that have never met him, and that's how I want to keep it.
It's not like I'm proud of the characteristics I inherited from him. It's gets me yelled at frequently and it gets me in a lot of trouble. We're both really bullheaded, and we both need to have the last word. More recently, I had the last words which were "Stay out of my life." Maybe that's a bit harsh, and maybe I should rethink myself, but being this way for 10+ years has gotten me a lot further in life than being a little wimp who never stands up for herself.
Let me explain. In this state, a child who lives with one parent and is in a shared custody agreement has to live with the circumstances until they are 12 years old. At which point they can choose to live with one parent, or continue the every other weekend crap. For anyone that knows me well enough, that wasn't okay with me. I never got along with my dad and his girlfriend, and maybe it's because he was never around. But when I was around 6 or 7, I decided that I was no longer going to live with the arguing and the crying, and I decided to live with my mom full-time and only see him when I had to. The negative side to all of this is as much as I've seen my dad in my entire life, I have gotten to see my younger brother even less.
He is 4 years younger than me and he is one awesome kid and I hope that one day, all of this crap will be behind us and I will be able to see him whenever I want to. Okay, enough about my life...I wanted to talk about another song.
Recently, Demi Lovato has gone through stuff that have experienced personally. She has gone through depression, anxiety, and self-harm much like myself. Let me tell you, it's a hard road to get off of. That's not why I love this other song, I love it because it speaks to someone who hurt her. And for me, it speaks to my dad. It's called "Shouldn't Come Back." It talks about all the pain and that the person who is being sung to, should stay out of her life. It just resonates so deeply with me. And maybe, if you listen to them, you'll find something you can relate to in them.
That's all for the night my lovelies, even though I have written into the wee hours of the morning. I hope I give you something to stand for because face it, "If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything." I don't want to see anyone fall for the wrong reasons.
Click on those links by the way, it leads you to the songs I just talked about :P
Good night for now. My song of hope. Maybe it can be yours too. Who knows, maybe you'll be telling someone this soon.
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